everyone is needed. don't you ever, ever, ever think that you're not.
I need you. And I love you. You are all my family.
This Just needed saying.
Monday, 17 February 2014
Saturday, 16 November 2013
Slutduggery and his hobbit thong
It all started when our uber geek, Slutduggery, woke up in a foxy forest. It was the third time it had happened. Feeling ridiculously worried, Slutduggery backhanded a dull pencil, thinking it would make him feel better (but as usual, it did not). Happy as a frickin' monkey, he realized that his beloved Hobit Thong was missing! Immediately he called his so-called buddy, Valkyrie. Slutduggery had known Valkyrie for (plus or minus) half a million years, the majority of which were sassy ones. Valkyrie was unique. She was outgoing though sometimes a little... annoying. Slutduggery called her anyway, for the situation was urgent.
Valkyrie picked up to a very happy Slutduggery. Valkyrie calmly assured him that most man-eating capybaras yawn before mating, yet disease-carrying chipmunks usually indiscriminately yawn *after* mating. She had no idea what that meant; she was only concerned with distracting Slutduggery. Why was Valkyrie trying to distract Slutduggery? Because she had snuck out from Slutduggery's with the Hobit Thong only eleven days prior. It was a sassy little Hobit Thong... how could she resist?
It didn't take long before Slutduggery got back to the subject at hand: his Hobit Thong. Valkyrie yawned. Relunctantly, Valkyrie invited him over, assuring him they'd find the Hobit Thong. Slutduggery grabbed his hammock and disembarked immediately. After hanging up the phone, Valkyrie realized that she was in trouble. She had to find a place to hide the Hobit Thong and she had to do it randomly. She figured that if Slutduggery took the 'modded' Civic, she had take at least seven minutes before Slutduggery would get there. But if he took the Bently? Then Valkyrie would be abnormally screwed.
Before she could come up with any reasonable ideas, Valkyrie was interrupted by two clueless Sparrows that were lured by her Hobit Thong. Valkyrie turned red; 'Not again', she thought. Feeling relieved, she deftly reached for her dull pencil and thoughtfully poked every last one of them. Apparently this was an adequate deterrent--the discouraged critters began to scurry back toward the imaginery desert, squealing with discontent. She exhaled with relief. That's when she heard the Bently rolling up. It was Slutduggery.
----o0o----
As he pulled up, he felt a sense of urgency. He had had to make an unscheduled stop at IHOP to pick up a 12-pack of live hand grenades, so he knew he was running late. With a heroic leap, Slutduggery was out of the Bently and went earnestly jaunting toward Valkyrie's front door. Meanwhile inside, Valkyrie was panicking. Not thinking, she tossed the Hobit Thong into a box of carrots and then slid the box behind her rhinocerus. Valkyrie was frustrated but at least the Hobit Thong was concealed. The doorbell rang.
'Come in,' Valkyrie flamboyantly purred. With a careful push, Slutduggery opened the door. 'Sorry for being late, but I was being chased by some insensitive beer-sloshed tool in a noise-polluting import,' he lied. 'It's fine,' Valkyrie assured him. Slutduggery took a seat about two saucy furlongs from where Valkyrie had hidden the Hobit Thong. Valkyrie panicked trying unsuccessfully to hide her nervousness. 'Uhh, can I get you anything?' she blurted. But Slutduggery was distracted. In a tragically predictable turn of events, Valkyrie noticed a selfish look on Slutduggery's face. Slutduggery slowly opened his mouth to speak.
'...What's that smell?'
Valkyrie felt a stabbing pain in her fingernail when Slutduggery asked this. In a moment of disbelief, she realized that she had hidden the Hobit Thong right by her oscillating fan. 'Wh-what? I don't smell anything..!' A lie. A abrasive look started to form on Slutduggery's face. He turned to notice a box that seemed clearly out of place. 'Th-th-those are just my grandma's potatos from when she used to have pet man-eating capybaras. She, uh...dropped 'em by here earlier'. Slutduggery nodded with fake acknowledgement...then, before Valkyrie could react, Slutduggery carefully lunged toward the box and opened it. The Hobit Thong was plainly in view.
Slutduggery stared at Valkyrie for what what must've been eight nanoseconds. Duly ecstatic about the looming crises, Valkyrie groped explosively in Slutduggery's direction, clearly desperate. Slutduggery grabbed the Hobit Thong and bolted for the door. It was locked. Valkyrie let out a striking chuckle. 'If only you hadn't been so protective of that thing, none of this would have happened, Slutduggery,' she rebuked. Valkyrie always had been a little dimwitted, so Slutduggery knew that reconciliation was not an option; he needed to escape before Valkyrie did something crazy, like... start chucking potatos at her or something. Unaware of the bleakness of existence, he gripped his Hobit Thong tightly and made a dash toward the window, diving headlong through the glass panels.
Valkyrie looked on, blankly. 'What the hell? That seemed excessive. The other door was open, you know.' Silence from Slutduggery. 'And to think, I varnished that window frame nine days ago...it never ends!' Suddenly she felt a tinge of concern for Slutduggery. 'Oh. You ..okay?' Still silence. Valkyrie walked over to the window and looked down. Slutduggery was gone.
----o0o----
Just yonder, Slutduggery was struggling to make his way through the lemur-infested moor behind Valkyrie's place. Slutduggery had severely hurt his taint during the window incident, and was starting to lose strength. Another pack of feral Sparrows suddenly appeared, having caught wind of the Hobit Thong. One by one they latched on to Slutduggery. Already weakened from his injury, Slutduggery yielded to the furry onslaught and collapsed. The last thing he saw before losing consciousness was a buzzing horde of Sparrows running off with his Hobit Thong.
But then God came down with His ingenious smile and restored Slutduggery's Hobit Thong. Feeling relieved, God smote the Sparrows for their injustice. Then He got in His neighborhood-terrorizing crotch rocket and jetted away with the fortitude of 550,000 South American hissing sloths running from a teensy pack of man-eating capybaras. Slutduggery stumbled with joy when he saw this. His Hobit Thong was safe. It was a good thing, too, because in five minutes his favorite TV show, How TO Pole Dance, was going to come on (followed immediately by 'When disease-carrying chipmunks meet weapon of mass destruction'). Slutduggery was elated. And so, everyone except Valkyrie and a few hand grenade-toting venomous koalas lived blissfully happy, forever after.
--------------------------------------------EDIT BY SAPH---------------------------------------
This is what happens when you mix insanity with some really weird typos...
*Shakes head sadly* I'm afraid Snow is beyond medication.
Valkyrie picked up to a very happy Slutduggery. Valkyrie calmly assured him that most man-eating capybaras yawn before mating, yet disease-carrying chipmunks usually indiscriminately yawn *after* mating. She had no idea what that meant; she was only concerned with distracting Slutduggery. Why was Valkyrie trying to distract Slutduggery? Because she had snuck out from Slutduggery's with the Hobit Thong only eleven days prior. It was a sassy little Hobit Thong... how could she resist?
It didn't take long before Slutduggery got back to the subject at hand: his Hobit Thong. Valkyrie yawned. Relunctantly, Valkyrie invited him over, assuring him they'd find the Hobit Thong. Slutduggery grabbed his hammock and disembarked immediately. After hanging up the phone, Valkyrie realized that she was in trouble. She had to find a place to hide the Hobit Thong and she had to do it randomly. She figured that if Slutduggery took the 'modded' Civic, she had take at least seven minutes before Slutduggery would get there. But if he took the Bently? Then Valkyrie would be abnormally screwed.
Before she could come up with any reasonable ideas, Valkyrie was interrupted by two clueless Sparrows that were lured by her Hobit Thong. Valkyrie turned red; 'Not again', she thought. Feeling relieved, she deftly reached for her dull pencil and thoughtfully poked every last one of them. Apparently this was an adequate deterrent--the discouraged critters began to scurry back toward the imaginery desert, squealing with discontent. She exhaled with relief. That's when she heard the Bently rolling up. It was Slutduggery.
----o0o----
As he pulled up, he felt a sense of urgency. He had had to make an unscheduled stop at IHOP to pick up a 12-pack of live hand grenades, so he knew he was running late. With a heroic leap, Slutduggery was out of the Bently and went earnestly jaunting toward Valkyrie's front door. Meanwhile inside, Valkyrie was panicking. Not thinking, she tossed the Hobit Thong into a box of carrots and then slid the box behind her rhinocerus. Valkyrie was frustrated but at least the Hobit Thong was concealed. The doorbell rang.
'Come in,' Valkyrie flamboyantly purred. With a careful push, Slutduggery opened the door. 'Sorry for being late, but I was being chased by some insensitive beer-sloshed tool in a noise-polluting import,' he lied. 'It's fine,' Valkyrie assured him. Slutduggery took a seat about two saucy furlongs from where Valkyrie had hidden the Hobit Thong. Valkyrie panicked trying unsuccessfully to hide her nervousness. 'Uhh, can I get you anything?' she blurted. But Slutduggery was distracted. In a tragically predictable turn of events, Valkyrie noticed a selfish look on Slutduggery's face. Slutduggery slowly opened his mouth to speak.
'...What's that smell?'
Valkyrie felt a stabbing pain in her fingernail when Slutduggery asked this. In a moment of disbelief, she realized that she had hidden the Hobit Thong right by her oscillating fan. 'Wh-what? I don't smell anything..!' A lie. A abrasive look started to form on Slutduggery's face. He turned to notice a box that seemed clearly out of place. 'Th-th-those are just my grandma's potatos from when she used to have pet man-eating capybaras. She, uh...dropped 'em by here earlier'. Slutduggery nodded with fake acknowledgement...then, before Valkyrie could react, Slutduggery carefully lunged toward the box and opened it. The Hobit Thong was plainly in view.
Slutduggery stared at Valkyrie for what what must've been eight nanoseconds. Duly ecstatic about the looming crises, Valkyrie groped explosively in Slutduggery's direction, clearly desperate. Slutduggery grabbed the Hobit Thong and bolted for the door. It was locked. Valkyrie let out a striking chuckle. 'If only you hadn't been so protective of that thing, none of this would have happened, Slutduggery,' she rebuked. Valkyrie always had been a little dimwitted, so Slutduggery knew that reconciliation was not an option; he needed to escape before Valkyrie did something crazy, like... start chucking potatos at her or something. Unaware of the bleakness of existence, he gripped his Hobit Thong tightly and made a dash toward the window, diving headlong through the glass panels.
Valkyrie looked on, blankly. 'What the hell? That seemed excessive. The other door was open, you know.' Silence from Slutduggery. 'And to think, I varnished that window frame nine days ago...it never ends!' Suddenly she felt a tinge of concern for Slutduggery. 'Oh. You ..okay?' Still silence. Valkyrie walked over to the window and looked down. Slutduggery was gone.
----o0o----
Just yonder, Slutduggery was struggling to make his way through the lemur-infested moor behind Valkyrie's place. Slutduggery had severely hurt his taint during the window incident, and was starting to lose strength. Another pack of feral Sparrows suddenly appeared, having caught wind of the Hobit Thong. One by one they latched on to Slutduggery. Already weakened from his injury, Slutduggery yielded to the furry onslaught and collapsed. The last thing he saw before losing consciousness was a buzzing horde of Sparrows running off with his Hobit Thong.
But then God came down with His ingenious smile and restored Slutduggery's Hobit Thong. Feeling relieved, God smote the Sparrows for their injustice. Then He got in His neighborhood-terrorizing crotch rocket and jetted away with the fortitude of 550,000 South American hissing sloths running from a teensy pack of man-eating capybaras. Slutduggery stumbled with joy when he saw this. His Hobit Thong was safe. It was a good thing, too, because in five minutes his favorite TV show, How TO Pole Dance, was going to come on (followed immediately by 'When disease-carrying chipmunks meet weapon of mass destruction'). Slutduggery was elated. And so, everyone except Valkyrie and a few hand grenade-toting venomous koalas lived blissfully happy, forever after.
--------------------------------------------EDIT BY SAPH---------------------------------------
This is what happens when you mix insanity with some really weird typos...
*Shakes head sadly* I'm afraid Snow is beyond medication.
Friday, 18 October 2013
I think I'm addicted...
This... this site is amazing and it can't fail to make you smile...
http://www.dhteumeuleu.com/index
Thursday, 3 October 2013
Fun site that you cant help but smile at.
HI!!
okay, google: I am so bored Pointless sites.
look at this. okay??? it is guaranteed to cheer you up. *nods*
Thanks.
Tuesday, 27 August 2013
My friends send me the weirdest things...
Okay, this is kind of sweet. Click on the link below, type your name into the Script prompt that comes up and watch.
http://www.cse.unsw.edu.au/~geoffo/humour/flattery.html
XD
http://www.cse.unsw.edu.au/~geoffo/humour/flattery.html
XD
Monday, 12 August 2013
Top 12 Random pairings
First random thing that may or
may not cheer you up! I’ve read a lot of fanfics over the course of being a
member of the Munchkin Army. Some are brilliant, some are, well, not. Some have normal
couples, and some so weird I can hardly believe they’ve been written XD Here
are the craziest pairings I’ve read, and links to the fanfics I read them in :) (Note; I wanted to include Scapespeckle, but couldn't find a fic that featured it)
2.
Blikyrie (Bliss and Valkyrie)- http://www.fanfiction.net/s/5960054/3/Skulduggery-Pleasant-Drabbles
3.
Valguine (Valkyrie and Sanguine)- http://www.fanfiction.net/book/Skulduggery-Pleasant-series/?&srt=1&r=103&c2=47476&c4=45206
4.
Flaelan (Fletcher and Caelan)- http://www.fanfiction.net/s/6616839/42/Vaurien-Scapegrace-Last-Stand-of-Dead-Men (Later chapters continue this and feature Flansard((Fletcher/ Hansard)) and Caesard ((Caelan and Hansard)) :S )
5.
Serduggery (Serpine and Skulduggery)- http://www.fanfiction.net/s/8702174/6/The-Requested-Drabbles (Written by Ember! It's a funny set of one shots. Read them all if you have time)
7.
Chivina (China and Davina Marr)- IMPORTANT NOTE!
This fanfic is rated M. I only put it up because it’s hardly a romance at all.
Still, if you’re banned from reading Ms, steer clear of this one. http://www.fanfiction.net/s/6522234/1/Unwarranted
8.
Vengebelle (Baron Vengeous and Clarabelle)-
Can’t find the one shot :’(
10.
Merpine (Mevolent and Serpine)- http://www.fanfiction.net/s/8702174/16/The-Requested-Drabbles (Also by Ember)
12.
Ghaxter (Ghastly and Dexter Vex)- Unfortunately,
the description says it contains lemons (I don’t dare to read it) so I won’t
put the link up.
Sunday, 11 August 2013
How (I really hope) it will work
Okay, so this is for all the people who comment on Derek Landy's blog. We all get down sometimes, and I've noticed Minions suggesting things to cheer each other up. So I thought maybe we should put them into one blog that people can find whenever they feel sad- whether it's pictures, or songs, or Youtube videos, or we could even write stories!
I have no idea if this will work, but I'd like to try :) Email me at sapphireiota@gmail.com if you want to join or have something to add.
I have no idea if this will work, but I'd like to try :) Email me at sapphireiota@gmail.com if you want to join or have something to add.
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